Would This Have Distracted You? A Case of Open Mouth and Insert Foot

Posted by on Oct 19, 2011 in Life | 32 comments

A few weeks ago, I attended a beautiful outdoor wedding. But throughout the wedding, I was completely distracted. And now I’m wondering if it was my own fault I was distracted or did I have a good reason to be upset about the thing that distracted me.

Photo credit - William Marlow - Creative Commons

Let me explain.

It was a small wedding. I was escorted to the third row of seating along with a couple of friends. About five people sat directly in front of us. The mother and father of the bride were escorted to the front row just before the bridesmaids made their entrance.

Then the bride, in a beautiful vintage dress, walked slowly down the aisle, joined her groom and the minister. The photographers she hired were strategically placed in two or three different spots to document the wonderful occasion. They were so discreet that I don’t even remember where they stood.

Nothing out of the ordinary so far.

The minister (my friend and pastor of my church – I’ve mentioned many times before) began the service and wedding ceremony.

This is where I became distracted. Three of the five people in the row in front of me all held up phones and cameras to snap pictures of the bride and groom. This was during the pastor’s mini-sermon. This was during the reciting of the wedding vows. This was during the lighting of the unity candle.

I looked to the right. The same thing.

I glanced behind me. More phones and cameras. Mostly phones.

I realize that everybody—EVERYBODY—has a camera with them at all times these days. Even the most out-of-date phones have a camera built into them these days.

But have we really lost all judgement as to when we should pull out that camera or phone, and when we should leave it tucked inside our purse or pocket? Or am I simply way too opinionated?

I spent the entire service, tilting my head side-to-side, dodging the iPhone obstructing my view.

After the ceremony, I asked my friend and pastor if there was a way that he could politely announce at my daughter’s wedding if our guests would please refrain from taking pictures. He, of course lauged at me, because my daughter is not even a teenager yet.

Then a friend of mine walked into the conversation. She smiled, bowed her head, and said, “I took a picture.”

And she did. She took avery pretty picture of the bride and groom doring the ceremony. And I told her so. But I had hurt her feelings. I hadn’t meant to. I really didn’t mean for anyone to hear my question.

So, for the past few weeks I’ve wondered, is this a case of my very flawed self not offering enough grace, or are we simply allowing iPhones and other technology to take over our lives? Can we not put away our hand-held computers/cameras/phones long enough to celebrate God and the joining of two people in holy matrimony?

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  • http://jessicanelson.net Jessica Nelson

    I think this is just the way it is. We take pics with cameras now. Since it’s so common, I think eventually there will become a standard for it (a procedure even, like the “no flashes” rule you hear sometimes at conferences). I don’t think you’re flawed or opinionated, I just think it bugged you. :-) Nothing wrong with that.

    • http://heathersunseri.com Heather Sunseri

      It did bug me!! Ha!

  • Jessica R. Patch

    This is iPhone related. Every Monday I enter the prayer requests and comments from the cards into the database. I work at my church. Anyway, I kept finding these comments from older women, senior ladies, and they were aggravated that young people (anyone under 45) were using their phones to do that texting during church.

    Here’s the thing: I’m pretty sure while some were, most were using their new smartphone Bible apps. So with all this technology going on, do you think people should still use “real” Bibles in church or should we flow with the new generation and just be happy they have the Bible on their person all day.

    Now, one young kid really was listening to his iPod. I totally saw him and he was too far away for me to tap, and my husband said I wasn’t aloud to wad notes and toss in church anymore. After the last time. :) lol

    • http://heathersunseri.com Heather Sunseri

      Yes, I get that, too, Jessica. Half of my small group, inlcudng both my hubby and me, use iPhone apps to read from the Bible. I still think that’s funny. But part of me wonders every other Sunday night if the men in our group are actually checking their fantasy football scores. (It’s not for me to judge. ;) )

      I feel for those women, because even I am distracted by the use of our wonderful devices while in church. However, I am excited for any technological advancement that makes Bible reading by anyone easier. Expecially if it allows us to reach those who might not otherwise pick up their Bible. So, yeah, I don’t think I would pass a basket to collect phones before church starts just yet. :)

      I would have tossed a small wooden pew pencil at the head of the kid with his headphones in, though. My husband would be impressed with my aim.

      • Mike Sunseri

        RE: ” part of me wonders every other Sunday night if the men in our group are actually checking their fantasy football scores.”

        One word answer to that — guilty…

        • http://heathersunseri.com Heather Sunseri

          I KNEW IT!! You should be ashamed!

  • http://www.katieganshert.blogspot.com Katie Ganshert

    My phone is ancient, so I don’t have this problem.

    You bring up another issue though and it’s the whole idea of picture-taking. I’m awful at taking pictures. Just awful. It’s a running joke in our family. I bring the camera with us, but I always forget to take pictures. I think it’s because I feel like taking pictures brings me out of the moment. Instead of enjoying the moment, I’m preoccupied with capturing it. But then, inevitably, I’m always bummed out later that I don’t have pictures! Catch-22.

    • http://heathersunseri.com Heather Sunseri

      I’ve been trying to hold myself back in recent years. I have friends who document EVERYTHING with their cameras. EVERYTHING. I’m with you  in that there is so much enjoyment in simply capturing the moment with memories. I don’t believe we have to have every single memory caught on camera. I think if we’re stressed about capturing every single moment on camera, then we’ve missed some of the fun.

      Having said that, some people do this beautifully. Some people take pictures, and you barely notice they’re doing it. They get home, an they have hundreds of photos to sort through. I’m happy if I have two or three really good ones to simply remind me of the event.

      Kaite, what you need is a smarter phone so that you can snap two or three pictures when you’re off playing at the park, or your son does something that’s so cute you feel you need to capture his happy face. But if you get that smart phone, don’t bring it out at a wedding. The reception maybe, but not during the ceremony. Of course, that’s just my opinion. :)

  • http://www.sarahforgrave.com/blog Sarah Forgrave

    I’m totally with you, Heather. I forget who it was, but someone recently posted about how much we’re attached to our phones or cameras or something. How much do we miss the beauty of the actual moment because we’re so busy trying to capture it on a screen? I think I’ve become extra sensitive to this stuff after my visit with the Amish. I’m not becoming Amish or anything, lol, but there is something to be said for excluding technology in moments when it just doesn’t need to be there.

    • http://heathersunseri.com Heather Sunseri

      Sarah, thinking about this post today, I wondered if it was a sign I was getting older. (Or maybe I’m turning Amish – can you just “turn” Amish… anyway.) I just don’t want these addicting little technological advances to block my views of life. It’s difficult enought to stop long enough in our busy lives and enjoy the moments as they happen.

      But, everybody, don’t misunderstand… I still love my iPhone. Just thought I should say that before this conversation gets out of hand. ha!

  • Anonymous

    Love that this doesn’t apply to me b/c I don’t own an I anything. And my phone is so antiquated that I don’t believe it has a camera on it (I think)…Never even looked. Me = old lady!
    ~ Wendy

    • http://heathersunseri.com Heather Sunseri

      I wish it didn’t apply to me at all. I just think I, along with many, need to remember that we can’t let technology seep into our lives so much that we miss what’s and Who’s important.

      And, you are so NOT an old lady!

  • Loree Huebner

    I’m on board here.

    I think  there are times we need to just put the phones and cameras down and live in the moment instead of capturing it.

  • http://brandiboddie.blogspot.com Brandi Boddie

    I agree with you, Heather. So many times during the day, I have to dodge people on the sidewalks, in stores, basically anywhere because they’re snapping away with the cameras and iphones. And if I don’t get out of the way soon enough, they give me a dirty look as though I’m the one in the wrong. How dare she walk through the cleaning supply aisle of Target! Can’t she see I’m trying to take a picture here? LOL!

    • http://heathersunseri.com Heather Sunseri

      OH, yeah! I had a lady give me this super mean look the other day because I squeezed around her to reach something off the shelf at the grocery. I disturbed her phone call while I reached for mayonaise. Pahlease.

  • Beth Vogt

    My daughter got married this summer. Yes, despite paying good money, i.e. big bucks, for a photographer, I was running around with my camera. (A real one, not a camera-phone.)
    But when the ceremony started … when my future son-in-love walked out to the front of the church minutes before my husband escorted my daughter down the aisle … I set my camera down. Put it aside.
    I wanted to be present. Be there.
    I didn’t want to be behind the camera, trying to take a picture of what was happening. I wanted to take part in what was happening.
    And that is what I think bugged you about the whole camera-phone/wedding incident. People weren’t “there” because they were too busy doing the point and shoot thingy.

    • http://heathersunseri.com Heather Sunseri

      Oh, dear, Beth! I hope you got great pictures of your daughter’s big day!! And I’m glad you were able to enjoy her and her groom’s moment.

      Unfortunately, I was not that unselfish in my thinking of the people who missed this particular wedding (maybe next time :) ). I was irritated that I was missing it. Their phones held up high in front of their faces and mine obstructed my view.

  • Keli Gwyn

    This is a tough question. On the one hand I like to capture memories in pictures so I can relive the experiences later, but on the other hand I like to savor what’s taking place while it’s happening. Perhaps if it were announced at weddings and other such events that the professional photos will be available to everyone in the near future more people would put their cameras away.

  • http://susanjreinhardt.blogspot.com Susan J. Reinhardt

    There are plenty of opportunities to take pictures of the happy couple. Instead of focusing on the trappings of a wedding, wouldn’t it be more honoring to God that attention be given to the vows?

    I don’t have a Smartphone. In fact, my model drew snickers from the phone store people. Sometimes we just have to know when to disconnect them. Perhaps some enterprising person (you?) might want to write a book on Smartphone etiquette. :)

    • http://heathersunseri.com Heather Sunseri

      I love it! Smartphone etiquette!!

  • Julie Jarnagin

    Lol. Your husband’s confession cracked me up. :) At least he admits it. I felt so awkward the first time I broke out my Kindle at church, but it’s so much lighter and easier to stick in my purse than my paper Bible.

  • http://wosushi.wordpress.com/ Amber

    A friend was married recently and the officiant (pastor? I’m not sure) has a rule that NO pictures can be taken during the ceremony.  Even by the professional. But he takes the time to let the couple go through the key moments again for pictures sake (exchanging rings, the kiss, etc)

    The pictures came out beautifully – which surprised me.  I thought for sure it would look staged, since, essentially it was.  People seemed to enjoy that everyone HAD to be in the moment since they weren’t allowed to be distracted.

    (no idea if there were ushers telling people to put their phones away though :) )

  • http://smalltownpastor.wordpress.com/ Marcus

    Did a funeral today: no one took pictures.  It’s called reverence.  If a wedding is being done by a church or by a religious officiant, no pictures should be taken unless it’s the photographer who has talked with the minister about where they can appropriately do so (without flash during the service).  If I had seen it going on, which I didn’t because I was freezing my butt off, then I would have told people to cease and desist. 

    I do not check fantasy scores on my iphone during small group…but do check regular scores when my team is playing.

    • http://heathersunseri.com Heather Sunseri

      You too? checking football scores? Uh-huh!

  • http://twitter.com/JennieSAllen Jennie Allen

    This is hysterical because don’t you know after they took the photo they tweeted it! We all need new rules for this world of digital everything! Where is Emily Post?

    • http://heathersunseri.com Heather Sunseri

      You’re probably right! Ha! And I would have been fine with that had it been at the reception. We are difinitely in a digital, instant gratification world, I guess.

  • Jeannie Campbell, LMFT

    monday i pulled out my iPhone and took a photo of some bozo who had parked within an inch of my bumper. happened to be one of my clients, and i marched right back into work, found him, and showed him the photo. NO EXCUSES!! i was glad for my camera phone then, b/c he would have denied it, etc. this would be a GOOD example of when to use it…when someone else will give you grief without proof. :)

    • http://heathersunseri.com Heather Sunseri

      For sure, Jeannie. My camera came in handy when I was in an accident a month or so ago. I love your “bozo” description. You make me laugh.

  • Eileen Astels

    Every wedding I’ve been to has asked that cameras not be used during the service. Only the professional photographers are allowed to take pics during that time. I could sure see how that would be distracting and disrespectful especially when the preacher is talking or vows are being said. I like our rule over here!!

  • Karen Lange

    I think technology, while very useful, can get pretty intrusive. I wonder if this is not so much about the phones and picture taking as much as a consideration for others. It reminds me of having someone sitting in front of you who is wearing a big hat that blocks your view . If you are sitting behind someone, your view will no doubt be obstructed in even a minor way. But are people are often so focused on their goals that they lose sight (!) of the big picture and how it affects others? I’m with you, it would have bothered me too. And I would make a note to myself for our future family weddings.

  • Anonymous

    It’s a darn good question.  I vote no cell phones at wedding or funerals.  Period.  I was recently at a funeral and was a bit annoyed by the texting around me, not to mention a phone that went off.

    • http://heathersunseri.com Heather Sunseri

      At a funeral? Grrrr. So disrespecful. Come on people! Of course, as soon as I get all judgy like that I’m going to forget my phone is in my purse, and it’s going to ring at the next quiet event I attend.

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